…to get that little barbed-wire picture off of my page? I am looking everywhere and can’t find the way to do it. Another question…if I want to change the name of my blog, do I have to create a new one? I reallyyyyy hope not…that would be a procrastinator’s nightmare!
Monthly Archives: June 2009
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. That phrase is wrong for a number of reasons, but for now I am simply going to apply it to my blog. All of this (imagine the grand sweep of the hand) is so stale feeling, so old and outdated. I no longer live on the border (new name anyone? anyone? And no! I will not be called Sugarmama [I now live in a city named after a sugar factory].) My booklist is way outdated, dittos on the movies, blogroll needs culling/augmenting, etc., etc. Even my categories no longer seem to match my life.
This reminds me of when I was younger. Many writers were (and are) diary afficionados…I was not. I would fall in love with a beautiful, empty, fabric covered journal, or even get my hands on the coveted diary with a tiny key, but a month later or two I would go back to the beginning and cringe. My words were so stale and my entries were so dreadfully shallow. Granted, I was a teenager, but still…gag. I usually ripped the pages to tiny pieces – not because of some deep, dark confession I didn’t want revealed, but because I just couldn’t endure the thought of someone stumbling upon it and thinking that that was…well, all. Thankfully, I don’t feel that way about my past entries, but my site is in need of some housekeeping.
I think I will begin my first change by posting a picture of my new backyard, since one of my last entries was about backyards. You will see that part of moving to the city required that I sacrifice some of my ideals on how a backyard should look or be sized, but I have a real fondness for our little piece of green out back. It is a wonderful place to drink coffee, and I even have a little garden hiding behind my garage. It’s just right for me at this phase in my life.
If there is anyone reading this who is looking for the Bordermama, welcome back. Or perhaps I should say, let me (re)introduce myself. When I left off with my, ahem, last post wayyyyy back in 2007, I did what I normally do when faced with a lot of change, anxiety, and uncertainty…nothing. Modus procrastinatus. Much was brewing then…adoption plans off, new baby on, job/city change, etc. I was also feeling the need to, not reinvent, but adjust my blog. I wasn’t liking my tone. Too know-it-all, too smirky… I still haven’t exactly pinpointed what was bothering me, but change was needed and change was a-comin’.
I’d like to think that the biggest change is that I have given myself permission to do something I have been loathe to give myself in the past…permission to fail. Yes, fail. Fail in what, dear reader, I hear you ask. At first, I merely thought it was permission to fail in keeping a timely blog…not letting too many days slip by, posting every single day like the other blogging moms who manage a post-a-day. I had craftily thought that by not blogging, I might avoid failure. You might know that disease I speak of…the If-you-don’t-do-it-perfectly, don’t-do-it-at-all disease? The last two years have taught me that the only prescription for that affliction is failure. There is great (and humbling) value in seeing that the whole world does not fall apart when you fail in something. I have learned that when my plans either disintegrate, get pushed aside, are not good enough, or are just plain wrong, some surprising things happen. I may have to start over, or listen to advice, or work alongside someone, or (horrors!) let someone else take over. That’s okay. Really it is. And you might have guessed that I am speaking of bigger things than just blogging.
So, while I say I’m back, I have given myself permission to miss a day, a week, or even a month or two, and not have an all-or-nothing mentality about it. And you may see a few more un-edited typos. Or some outrightly lame posts. That’s okay…it’s my own perfectly (!) neurotic therapy.